weather

It's fall now, and the leaves are covering my yard like crazy. I just don't have the time or energy to get out there and rake after work. Are there any other ways I can get my yard cleared that don't involve so much work?

-Leave Me Be

Dear Leaf,

It is a little known fact that several weather deities offer yard waste removal services this time of year. If you can afford it, you can have a custom, localized wind storm take all the leaves away. For a small extra fee, you can have it sent to the nearest dump or compost site.

~Kevin

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Help

No matter what I do, I'm always finding one more thing that needs doing before I go to bed each night. This happens 7 or 8 times a night! Im EXHAUSTED!!@

Dear Exhausted!!@,

If these things really need to be done, then you just have to let yourself sleep in a bit more after you've worked so hard. Surely your employer will understand.

~Kevin

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cheese guy

how do i keep my kitty off the table when im not home?

i can has clean table

Dear cheeseburger,

The perfect way to deter your pet is to set up a motion detector so that whenever Kitty hops up on the table it will trigger an anti-gravity ray or a tractor beam. As long as you are careful about programming where the beam will relocate your animal to, these devices are perfectly safe. Also the momentary weightlessness that Kitty experiences should adequately freak the critter out so that it will think twice before jumping on the table again.

~Kevin

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Tell me Cheese Whiz...

How can I get more people to visit my site?

Bacon Pi

Hello again Bacon,

Have you considered advertising? If you can take the time to put up some ads, things are bound to improve for you. The extra income from the ads you put on your site will be a good motivator to tell more people about your site.

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Mr. Cheesey,

I always forget, does spring come sooner if the groundhog did or didn't see his shadow?

Foggy on Shadow Weather

Dear FoSW,

Spring comes early when Phil does not see his shadow (like he didn't this year). Instead of waiting six whole weeks, spring will only be about a month and a half away.

~Kevin

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Help me, Doc...

The color yellow makes me sad.

J. W.

Dear Jack,

Talk to your optomotrist about some Rose Colored Glasses. These will help you say "goodbye" to yellows and the blues.

~Kevin

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