My dear readers,

Do I still have any readers? It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?
There is much that I have wanted to do... so many things that I said I would do... so much that I could have accomplished by now... and have not done...

The problem is Time. I can’t get anything done without it, but I rarely have Time when I need it. And when I do have Time, it's always slipping away and running out on me.

You might say that it’s my own fault for not keeping a closer watch on Time. And I must admit that I have underestimated how fast it can move... Regardless, it has become clear that Time is not on my side. And if Time is against me, then I need to take a more offensive stance.

I am declaring War on Time.

No more will Time get the best of me. No more talk of “If I can find time.” No more will whole months pass without new content. No more excuses.


Watch out Time. I’m coming for you.*


*I’m not looking to kill Time (then there would be no Time at all). But I’ll take any risk to tie back the hands of Time. I just want to slow it down so it can’t escape me again.

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I should have been more careful when taking that question about the Triangle. Long story short (I'll come back to it at the end of this post), it triggered a chain reaction that swept the SRoC and I away on the Winds of Time... And then buried it in the Sands of Time. In fact I'd still be lost if not for the crosswinds of Daylight Savings Time sweeping me back next week.

Thanks to this, things are pretty unstable around here again. Especially with regards to time. Updates will likely appear sporadic and random until things settle down and the Sands quit shifting. I'll aim to do so on as close to a weekly basis as circumstances allow.

[The longer version: Those of you paying close attention may have noticed that my answer to the Triangle question initially posted itself on the previous Tuesday. It also took all the weed killer and dead plant with it. This made for twice as much weed killer on that prior Tuesday which then continued to exist alongside the original application of weed killer until it was knocked back in time again. In other words, a dangerous Temporal Feedback Loop was created. This feedback caused two things: I was lost in Time, as mentioned above, and an infinite amount of weed killer obliterated anything plantlike in the website. It also trapped the chemicals in the past so that from that point forward in time, the Square Root of Cheese became entirely non-toxic.]

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It's been a quite a while, so it's high time for some of you patient folks to have your questions answered:

Dear Math Man,

I'd like to start my own advice column. Accept... I don't really want to give advice.. I want to give funny answers. Make people laugh, you know? How do I keep people from taking me to seriously?

Bacon Pi

Dear Bacon,

It all depends on the first impression you give people. The simplest answer is to spend your fist update or three answering questions from yourself.


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Hey Skippy,

I've got this old website I'd like to reboot, but I think all my readers have left in the 4 years since my last update. How can I rebuild my fan-base?

Old and Fanless

Dear Oldie,

Hmm...  I may be a bit rusty, but I think I can take on the two-part question you've given me.

If you want your readers back, you are going to have to instill in them some confidence that you won't leave them hanging for another four years until your next update. You will have to give them something to read at much shorter intervals. Making these intervals Regular is what will instill that confidence.

As for your fan-base, there are plenty of web-hosts out there that are powered entirely by wind energy. So if you really want your site to be based on fans, these hosts will do your rebuilding for you.


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Something strange has just happened to my website... It was once barren and neglected, but suddenly has a spark of life to it. This is not a problem at all. In fact, can you tell me how to hang onto this new energy?


Dear Sparky,

I've noticed it too. My own site was devoid of life for about 4 years or so until very recently. It's also somehow taken on a bloggish quality.

I believe it has something to do with the convergence of Daylight Savings Time and Pi Day. Somehow, this dispersed a surge of energy that was drawn to cheesy websites like ours throughout cyberspace.

The challenge now is to keep that spark alive. You (and I) must fan the flame with a good base of fans. Oh, and some effort on your part to do regular updates would also go a long way.


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