The Force

Why is it that whenever I have important work to do, it's sunny and gorgeous outside, but as soon as I have free time it rains again? Have I angered the weather gods? How do you suggest getting back on their good side?

-Rainy

Dear Rainy,

You have no need to fear. Had you truly angered them, you would have seen a few thunderbolts or twisters by now. The Weather Deities are simply abiding by the authority of a higher power, Murphy's Law.

~Kevin

Cheese Master,

You get to eat with Jedi? Lucky! What's it like to eat chicken with your mind? Could you teach me to use the force like that? I can't even get automatic doors to open when I wave my hand...

PadaWannabe

Dear Panda,

I don't actually know what it's like. Between this column and my day job, I simply haven't the time to train in the use of The Force. Neither am I licensed to do so. But if automatic doors do not work for you, you likely need more than training.

Start by talking to your local Jedi Council to see if they would be willing to to train you. Since you are already reading and writing emails, you are well above the normal age to enroll, but present your case anyway. It's not unheard of for much older people to start training. If they are willing, they will talk to you about ways to increase your aptitude with The Force (all of which require approval of a Jedi Council).

If you are like most of today's Nontraditional Padawans, they will send you to talk to your neurosurgeon about a midi-chlorian injection. There is some risk and it's quite expensive. Training to become a Jedi is not an easy challenge, and even if you succeed, it's a hard life. But as they like to say, "Do. Or do not. There is no try." In other words, it's a total lifestyle change.

May The Force be with you in making this decision.

~Kevin

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I'm sorry to say that I had no time for answering your questions yesterday. I was much to busy assisting my local Jedi Council with their annual Respect for Chickens Day event.

Naturally, all Jedi have a great respect for all living things, including chickens. Every year, my local J.C. helps promote awareness of all the many ways chicken can be served: barbecued chicken, fried chicken, chicken noodle soup, chicken and rice, chicken nuggets, etc. This year's winner was an especially good Teriyaki chicken.

I apologize for not warning you in advance; the Force was not with me and it slipped my mind. For future reference, this event is held every May the Fourth. Be with you next week for a proper update.

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