Miracle of Evolution

Dear Cheeser,

I admit it. I waited way too long to mow my lawn and now it's a jungle out there. I was finally going to take care of it, but some tree-hugger said he found a new kind of plant or something and chained himself in front of my mower. How do I get my lawn back under control?

Ready to Whack Weeds

Dear Weed Whacker,

All you really need is a change in perspective. Not just anyone can create the right conditions for the Miracle of Evolution in the front lawn. Even by accident. In other words: you are sitting on a Gold Mine.

Sell your lawn to Science and use the money to buy a new one. You should also consider investing some of the money in a lawn care service once your new lawn is installed.


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Where can I find pickle seeds? I've looked everywhere and only found cucumber and every other vegitable.

In a Pickle

P.S. Is there pickle flavored cheese?

Dear Ina,

Can I presume that when you say "everywhere" that it's just a figure of speech? After all, in our Infinite Universe, everything grows somewhere.

To find pickle seeds you should look to the Garden Gnomes of Middle Iowa. They are the only people to successfully pickle cucumbers without killing the seeds. These seeds are sold year round at their Garden Gnome Farmers' Market.

Oddly enough, they do also sell a pickle flavored cheese, but I don't really recommend it.


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Cheese Boss

I can't apply for a job until I upload my college transcripts. But when I scan them the pdf file size is waaaaay too big. How do I fix this?


Dear Fran,

If the file size is too big, that means the transcript is too big. Use a photocopier that can reduce the page size and try scanning again.


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