Christmas shopping

[note: This question was received on Dec. 30th]

Dear Cheese Prophet

Why didn't the world end last week? I thought Christmas shopping would be a waste of time… now people are mad at me. What went wrong?


Dear Shunned,

You must have missed it. The End did come. In fact, it came and went several times in the last couple of years. But you forget that our world is full of heroes who are constantly defending the Earth and its inhabitants from peril and/or certain doom. Usually someone steps in before The End comes, but every once in a while someone has to step up after the fact to set things right. This thing with the Myans that you're referring to was the latter.

It's also important to note that just because the unthinkable has happened, (i.e. ancient clocks have synchronized; a dark prophecy is fulfilled; a freakish plague breaks out; etc.) and we find our world full of lava, zombies, and/or rabid squirrels… That doesn't mean things have to stay that way.

Anyway, the point is that you can't go using the threat of global destruction as an excuse to save money and/or avoid family. Unlikely heroes are always likely to crop up when the planet is in jeopardy.

As for the people you've upset, it's never too late -- even with my late response -- to smooth things over with the gift of cheese.


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Do squirrels like pizza? If so, what kind? Can I get my squirrel a pizza for Christmas?

Pizza Girl

Dear Pizza,

Squirrels adore pizza; you've made a good choice there. As for what kind, they most enjoy cold, two week old leftover pizza. Time your shopping right, and you'll have a happy squirrel on Christmas.


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Help me Cheese guy!

I've heard that all we really have to fear is fear itself... and now I'm paralyzed by the fear of it!

Fear Fearer

Dear Fearer,

All you really need is more confidence. And if you don't have any confidence, just fake it. Your fears won't know the difference.


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